Robot Ponies

Learning to Love Sweat

2009-06-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

Since getting back from Europe I'm back to the gym, and am struggling to again make it part of my routine.

In a particularly warm and hard yoga class yesterday I realized how much my first reaction to sweating is that it's bad and should stop. That I'm doing something wrong.

I think this must have something to do with my particularly un-athletic upbringing, and the fact that I really didn't sweat much in my life, and when I maybe did it was embarrassing, like in gym class when everything was embarrassing because I was this scronny kid that couldn't do anything right.

I've gotten to the point several times in my life where I've worked out regularly. I think that Cheerleading in high school helped with this, our coach was an aerobics teacher and kicked our butts, which I think was the first time for me. But then I spent my early 20s only breaking a sweat in the occasional dance class or on the dance floor.

Now, as a person who aknowledges the need to work out, for my health, strength, and vanity--every time I come back from a break of doing it, I have to re-remember that endorphins are great and only come after some strenuous work. And that sweating isn't a bad thing, it's cleansing, it means you're doing good work.

But each time I take a little convincing.

From the London Times...

2009-06-23T07:31:00.001-07:00

From Times Online

June 19, 2009

The 15 golden rules of theatre etiquette

The play's the thing - so shhh. Our chief theatre critic explains what to do with your sweets, crisps and mobile phones

No talking during the performance: PLEASE!

Benedict Nightingale

1 Don’t just switch off your mobile in response to what’s very likely a cute invitation from some fake-friendly voice. Make sure it’s off before you enter the theatre, thus making sure that you’re not publicly humiliated by Richard Griffiths or A.N. Other.

2 Never whisper, let alone talk, during the performance. If you’re hard of hearing, hire a loop rather than bother your companion for info about the plot. And don’t hum along with songs, even if they’re by Rodgers and Hammerstein.

3 Don’t bring picnics. In fact, don’t eat anything, not even your fingernails, even if the play is, well, nail-biting. If you must buy an ice cream in the interval, make sure you finish it and dispose of the carton before the restart. The scraping at remnants sounds like scratching on a wall.

4 If you fear that you’ll cough, bring a handkerchief to smother your mouth and pastilles to put in it. Considerate theatregoers would rather asphyxiate than interrupt a good actor.

5 Always apologise if someone is forced to stand as you make your way to your seat, but if you are late (and you should never be) reduce your apology to a quick, sorrowful nod.

6 Don’t clap actors’s entrances, even if they’re famous, or their exits, even if they make them in the swaggering style that half-invites applause. All this is dated and naff and makes you look like a celeb-hungry prat.

7 Have nothing to do with standing ovations unless a performance is close to a once-in-a-lifetime experience. In America such ovations have become meaningless and, if they don’t occur, they indicate disapproval. We don’t want them to become regular here.

8 If a friend is on stage in a comedy or farce, or has written one, don’t pile on the laughter. The artificiality is usually transparent enough to make failure more and not less likely.

9 If you must go to that often obnoxious, spuriously glitzy occasion, the first night, don’t ponce about pretending to be an important guest, even if you are one. Think of your fellow audience members and the actors, both of whom want to get on with the show. And that show isn’t about you.

10 No need to dress up, let alone wear dinner jackets and evening gowns, as was once the case. But try to be a little better dressed than the critics, who often look as they’ve been grabbed from a washing machine that hasn’t yet been turned on.

11 If you see a sleeping critic don’t necessarily wake him or her up, as guilt is likely to ensure that his or her review is more favourable than it might otherwise be. But don’t let him sleep too deeply or he may (and this has happened) crash into or across an aisle, causing injury to the innocent. And snoring is unacceptable, whoever does it and however awful the show.

12 If critics irk you by scratching notes on a pad, be forgiving. They’re only doing their jobs. And virtually all critics accept that lighted pens, once common, are now verboten. If you see a critic turn one on, whisper something tactfully germane, like “you blind sod, switch it off”.

13 If the child you’re bringing is chatty, gag it. If it’s fidgety, handcuff and shackle it. And if you’re altruistic enough to bring a school party to a Shakespeare matinée, threaten potential wrongdoers with tickets to the next revival of Timon of Athens, to be followed by a ten-page essay on the ethics of Apemantus.

14 Try your hardest not to be tall, which means shunning headgear and primped-up hair. And if you can’t help your height, ask for a seat on the aisle or somewhere where you won’t interfere with people’s sightlines.

15 If you are maddened by a fellow member of the audience, postpone a serious or violent encounter until a suitable pause in the action, preferably the interval. But usually a schoolmarmy stare and an English sniff, followed by a reproachful smile, will suffice.

Sometimes your lap is your best table.

2009-05-25T07:19:00.000-07:00

a freewright started by time out's "heard on the street"

Sometimes your lap is your best table.
And sometimes your hands are your best tools
And sometimes your legs are your best tripod
And sometimes your back is your best bed.
Sometimes your hips are your best shelf.

Lift with your legs, not with your back.
Take care of your body.
Stand up straight, don’t slouch.
Eat right.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Walk for 30 minutes 3 times a week.
Walk 4,000 steps a day.
Make sure you engage in aerobic activity.
Eat only organic foods.
Grease is bad for you.
Keep simple carbohydrates to a minimum.
Be sure you drink 8 glasses of water a day.
Avoid the boogeyman.
Wear comfortable shoes.
Carry a backpack, not a shoulder bag.
Brush and floss, brush and floss.
Take a chill pill
Your body is a wonderland.
You are the light of the world.
My spleen. I love my spleen.
What does the gall bladder do anyway?
If I don’t need it, why do I have it?
What color is your poo?
My mind is a battlefield.
You need to pick your favorite color.
Everyone has a favorite.
What kind of mascara do you wear?
You do wear makeup don’t you?
Two coats and a top coat.
It's time to shave your legs.
You used to be so skinny.
When did you get those?
UV rays are bad for you.
Gluten free.
No antibiotics.
Pushups every morning.
Yoga is life changing.
Give yourself a hug.
French fries are comforting.
I don’t want to have long hair anymore, that’s why.
How long can you stay in the shower?
When is it my turn to be perfect?

I don’t know when or how this happened.
I used to love my lap.

I haven't blogged in 5,000 years

2009-05-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

Or so it seems. But I'm looking for a more direct purpose for the blog. I mean, if one is to have a blog, one must have a good reason for it, and just to muse occasionally doesn't seem to give me a good enough reason to make the time. BUT. I'm finding reasons. Among the things I'm contemplating is making one of those 101 things in 1001 days lists. I'm intrigued by the idea of setting goals and making lists. Recently I've been thinking about habits, how we develop them and if I can be more conscious about mine in order to live a better life. There are suggestions to make small changes, and do that thing every day for 30 days. I've recently done that with some simple routine things, and it's been quite effective. The next thing you know, it's just something you do, it's a habit. Like flossing, for instance. I was terrible about sometimes flossing sometimes not, and then I decided that I would do it every night for 30 days, and now it's just something I do every night, and it's not a big deal or something I even have to think about anymore. And I'm better for it. Well the same must go for things like attitude and our actions with our loved ones. There are certainly some habits I have that I long to get out of.

Of course, the 101 things in 1001 days is different. I've been thinking about what to put on my list, because the first step is to make a list of 101 things that I actually find compelling enough to put on it. The downside is that I'm already so busy that I wonder if this will just put additional pressure on me. So some of the things must be purely fun, they all have to be things I really want to do, and because there's so many in 1001 days they have to be achievable, but not so simple. Right? Some should be habit changing things, some should be small, some should be major goals. Maybe I won't achieve all of them and I'd need to accept that. So if I make a list I love then I'll come back to this with that list.

One of the things I'm contemplating putting on this list is reading all of the novels on the Modern Library's top 100 Novel's list. Most of them I've not read, so I'm a couple down but not so many. Many of these I've never heard of. Some I read in high school and should probably re-read (Like The Great Gatsby), because I'd get them more now. But if they're supposedly the best, I should read them. Here's the list. It's about 10 years old now, but that seems okay.

1	ULYSSES	James Joyce
2	THE GREAT GATSBY	F. Scott Fitzgerald
3	A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN	James Joyce
4	LOLITA	Vladimir Nabokov
5	BRAVE NEW WORLD	Aldous Huxley
6	THE SOUND AND THE FURY	William Faulkner
7	CATCH-22	Joseph Heller
8	DARKNESS AT NOON	Arthur Koestler
9	SONS AND LOVERS	D.H. Lawrence
10	THE GRAPES OF WRATH	John Steinbeck
11	UNDER THE VOLCANO	Malcolm Lowry
12	THE WAY OF ALL FLESH	Samuel Butler
13	1984	George Orwell
14	I CLAUDIUS	Robert Graves
15	TO THE LIGHTHOUSE	Virginia Woolf
16	AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY	Theodore Dreiser
17	THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER	Carson McCullers
18	SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE	Kurt Vonnegut
19	INVISIBLE MAN	Ralph Ellison
20	NATIVE SON	Richard Wright
21	HENDERSON THE RAIN KING	Saul Bellow
22	APPOINTMENT IN SAMARRA	John O'Hara
23	U.S.A.	John Dos Passos
24	WINESBURG, OHIO	Sherwood Anderson
25	A PASSAGE TO INDIA	E.M. Forster
26	THE WINGS OF THE DOVE	Henry James
27	THE AMBASSADORS	Henry James
28	TENDER IS THE NIGHT	F. Scott Fitzgerald
29	THE STUDS LONIGAN TRILOGY	James T. Farrell
30	THE GOOD SOLDIER	Ford Madox Ford
31	ANIMAL FARM	George Orwell
32	THE GOLDEN BOWL	Henry James
33	SISTER CARRIE	Theodore Dreiser
34	A HANDFUL OF DUST	Evelyn Waugh
35	AS I LAY DYING	William Faulkner
36	ALL THE KING'S MEN	Robert Penn Warren
37	THE BRIDGE OF SAN LUIS REY	Thornton Wilder
38	HOWARDS END	E.M. Forster
39	GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN	James Baldwin
40	THE HEART OF THE MATTER	Graham Greene
41	LORD OF THE FLIES	William Golding
42	DELIVERANCE	James Dickey
43	A DANCE TO THE MUSIC OF TIME	Anthony Powell
44	POINT COUNTER POINT	Aldous Huxley
45	THE SUN ALSO RISES	Ernest Hemingway
46	THE SECRET AGENT	Joseph Conrad
47	NOSTROMO	Joseph Conrad
48	THE RAINBOW	D.H. Lawrence
49	WOMEN IN LOVE	D.H. Lawrence
50	TROPIC OF CANCER	Henry Miller
51	THE NAKED AND THE DEAD	Norman Mailer
52	PORTNOY'S COMPLAINT	Philip Roth
53	PALE FIRE	Vladimir Nabokov
54	LIGHT IN AUGUST	William Faulkner
55	ON THE ROAD	Jack Kerouac
56	THE MALTESE FALCON	Dashiell Hammett
57	PARADE'S END	Ford Madox Ford
58	THE AGE OF INNOCENCE	Edith Wharton
59	ZULEIKA DOBSON	Max Beerbohm
60	THE MOVIEGOER	Walker Percy
61	DEATH COMES FOR THE ARCHBISHOP	Willa Cather
62	FROM HERE TO ETERNITY	James Jones
63	THE WAPSHOT CHRONICLES	John Cheever
64	THE CATCHER IN THE RYE	J.D. Salinger
65	A CLOCKWORK ORANGE	Anthony Burgess
66	OF HUMAN BONDAGE	W. Somerset Maugham
67	HEART OF DARKNESS	Joseph Conrad
68	MAIN STREET	Sinclair Lewis
69	THE HOUSE OF MIRTH	Edith Wharton
70	THE ALEXANDRIA QUARTET	Lawrence Durell
71	A HIGH WIND IN JAMAICA	Richard Hughes
72	A HOUSE FOR MR BISWAS	V.S. Naipaul
73	THE DAY OF THE LOCUST	Nathanael West
74	A FAREWELL TO ARMS	Ernest Hemingway
75	SCOOP	Evelyn Waugh
76	THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE	Muriel Spark
77	FINNEGANS WAKE	James Joyce
78	KIM	Rudyard Kipling
79	A ROOM WITH A VIEW	E.M. Forster
80	BRIDESHEAD REVISITED	Evelyn Waugh
81	THE ADVENTURES OF AUGIE MARCH	Saul Bellow
82	ANGLE OF REPOSE	Wallace Stegner
83	A BEND IN THE RIVER	V.S. Naipaul
84	THE DEATH OF THE HEART	Elizabeth Bowen
85	LORD JIM	Joseph Conrad
86	RAGTIME	E.L. Doctorow
87	THE OLD WIVES' TALE	Arnold Bennett
88	THE CALL OF THE WILD	Jack London
89	LOVING	Henry Green
90	MIDNIGHT'S CHILDREN	Salman Rushdie
91	TOBACCO ROAD	Erskine Caldwell
92	IRONWEED	William Kennedy
93	THE MAGUS	John Fowles
94	WIDE SARGASSO SEA	Jean Rhys
95	UNDER THE NET	Iris Murdoch
96	SOPHIE'S CHOICE	William Styron
97	THE SHELTERING SKY	Paul Bowles
98	THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE	James M. Cain
99	THE GINGER MAN	J.P. Donleavy
100	THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS	Booth Tarkington

about my job and my life.

2008-12-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

one of the best things about being a teacher, i'm noticing, is that as the winter break approaches i'm getting so excited. it's actually restored some of my interest in the holidays, which are not my favorite thing in the world.

but because i only have one week left of school, and my students are getting so excited and ansy, i am too. we'll end the semester. i'll put in grades. i don't go back until january 26th. crazy!! and then i'll have new students, a new class, a new chance to be a better teacher. how cool is that?

i'm pretty sure that one of the many reasons i ended up in theater is a fear of having to do one thing that never ends for the rest of my life. i love it when plays open and close. i love first rehearsals. i love the milestones that we get to relive over and over. i can't imagine not having that. i can't imagine not having the excuses to celebrate our achievements over and over. i feel like if i were to do something else it would all become a big blur.

many people say as they get older time seems to go faster and faster. i haven't noticed this yet entirely. in retrospect maybe, but with the multitude of different things i do in a year, my year feels really long.

case in point: last year this week i was in tech for the Drama League Directorfest. It would be opening next weekend. Actually, on the Sunday before I went to New Haven for an interview to direct something at Yale, and there was this terrible winter storm that covered New Haven in ice, and I was late and flustered and interveiwed TERRIBLY. And then I had to wait for a train that was late, but I met my roomate, Sasha at Grand Central Station and we went home together because she was returning from a really weird date. Ha.

That was a year ago. So many things have happened this year, both good and bad. It's been a really hard year in lots of ways, a lot of roller-coaster shiznit. I returned from NYC, then went to CO for christmas (as I am this year), I directed Faster at the side project and associate directed American Dream Songbook at the same time (bad idea), while I substitute taught David Cromer's direcitng class. I worked at Chicago Opera Theater, after doing some temping. I directed lots of little things, readings, sketchbook. I went to NYC for the Lincoln Center Dir Lab. I was back for three weeks then went to Michigan to direct an opera, then I've had this crazy fall.

Why would anyone do anything else? Wouldn't life be boring? I'm not trying to offend anyone who has chosen different paths. I guess it just wouldn't be me. I recognize the things I've traded. Stability being one. Availability to "settle down", hang out with friends more, have a family, all of that. But my year has been very exciting. "May you live in exciting times" Isn't that a Chinese curse?

Anyway, School's almost out for winter break. That's my point. Maybe the holidays aren't so bad.

stasis and palindromes

2008-12-05T07:28:00.000-08:00

I think there's a point where you're actually doing so much that you reach some sort of stasis.

Now go with me here, it seems to be along the same line of thinking that tells us that if you're spinning fast enough it's like standing still. Is that even true or am I making that up?

Looking back on this fall, I think I've accomplished a lot, I've directed several things that I can feel good about, and learned from them, and blah blah blah.

But at some point as a human being a stasis set in. Like my body shut down due to constant activity, and started protecting itself like an armadillo rolled into a little ball. And I wasn't well, I haven't been totally well for some time. My stress seems to land in my stomach, and I've been getting regular acupuncture treatments to get my qi moving again. But stasis and stagnation came up a lot in my treatments over the fall, and I wonder if doing too much caused my body to stop doing anything?

I'm only seeing this fully in retrospect, as a little bit of air has opened up in my life, I feel this amazing freedom. I actually felt overjoyed and grateful that I didn't have anything I absolutely had to do when I got home from rehearsal last night. I sat and read a book for fun for an hour and then went to bed. But only after I really thought "what do I want to do right now?" An hour. Ha.

Classes end next week and then don't start again until January 26th. It's nice to think of the space that will open up in my life for a while. To sort things out. To contemplate. To organize. To recharge.

I know this is the constant theme of my blog right now, but it's the thing I'm contemplating most in my life, which is to say: how I want to live it. Sometimes I think I spend too much time saying "well this is what I'm doing right now and so that later..." but if one spends their entire life like that, a life of self-torture in hopes of something else happening is all you get. Not that directing too many plays and being too busy is even a terrible torture. I am very grateful to have been so busy doing such amazing projects, I guess I've just learned my limitations as a human being, and that's important. I don't like to admit I even have them, which may be why I got myself in this mess.

Someday soon I'll shut up about this. I mean, the holidays are coming, I have an entire new list of things to be stressed out about. Ha.

On a lighter note, I found myself contemplating palindromes yesterday. There are so many different versions of the idea, and people have been creating and contemplating them since the Greeks. I love it, because it seems so useless, and creates sentences that are absolutely insane. Some palindromes are numbers, some are just word by word in sentences, there are even musical palindromes of sorts "crab cannons" where one melody is the reverse of the other. People get really into this stuff. And yet, it seems somewhat absurd.
Some of my favorite things I learned on wikipedia were the ones in foreign languages:
Icelandic: "Amma sá afa káfa af ákafa á Samma" ("Grandma saw grandpa touching Sammi intensively")
Estonian: "Aias sadas saia" (It was raining white bread in the garden)
Italian: "I topi non avevano nipoti" (The mice had no grandchildren).

Of course our own are absurd too:

Never Odd or even
If i had a hi-fi
Madam im Adam
No Lemons no melon
Rise to vote sir
do geese see god
race fast safe car
ma is as selfless as i am
Ah, satan sees natasha
no devil lived on
A Toyota's a Toyota
A dog a panic in a pagoda
was it a car or a cat i saw
Nurse i spy gypsies run
now is see bees i won
ufo tofu
god a red nugget a fat egg under a dog
no Mel Gibson is a casino's big lemon
war, sir, is raw
no, sir, away! a papaya war is on!

Shakespeare the Barometer

2008-11-17T09:58:00.000-08:00

So I've been preparing a lecture for my collaboration class today (directors/designers) on modern/contemporary/postmodern productions of Shakespeare plays. What trends are, what seminal productions/directors do, and I've found that we can use Shakespeare and what people are doing with it as a demonstration of what the major artistic forces in theater are in the time period.

Not surprising.

But not only that, Shakespeare's political, and art is a reflection of or reaciton to the times, so Shakespeare productions also could serve as a spine of history. We can use Shakespeare as a barometer of the times. At least seminal productions.

For instance:
-Orson Wells directs Macbeth for the Federal Theater Project (set up as part of FDR's Works program post-depression to give people jobs--also significantly set up the Regional Theater movement). He directs an All-Black production of Macbeth. People go crazy. It electrifies and empowers Harlem. 1936.
-1970, Peter Brook removes the artifice of pictorially descriptive settings from Midsummer and replaces it with a white room and trapezes. During a time of absolute change in our culture due to the feminist movement, the civil rights movement, and the protest against the war, Brook rethinks what theater should be doing, and decides to look at Shakespeare as though it's a new play, not a legacy of dusty tradition. It is a new world order. This production of Midsummer is absolutely seminal in the way that it changes how the world looks at Shakespeare. Appropriate for the time, yes?
-2007 The Wooster Group Hamlet. Using a video recording of Richard Burton's 1968 Hamlet, the company performs the 1968 cast performing Hamlet in front of the video recordings. The people fade in and out of the recordings. The question becomes (to me) how do we find meaning in these different levels? How are we authentic and yet playing Richard Burton playing Hamlet? This is the question of our times. What is authentic? Where do we find it in a post-modern world?

Shakespeare, in it's timelessness, remains of use to us as theater creators to describe our lives, what we see around us, what we want to reveal to the world. His texts remain the most relevant work imaginable. When done with vision. Obviously, there are lots of bad or mediocre or even good but not revelatory productions that will fade into obscurity. And I see lots of bad Shakespeare. But I've seen lots of good Shakespeare too. And when it's really good, it's amazing, and can serve as our barometer of where we are now.

The Alienation Effect

2008-11-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

Not in a Brechtian way.

In another way, I'm feeling like I've alienated myself from the world, from my friends.

By working too much.

I guess people are happy for you when you're directing all the time, but they slowly start to feel like you don't think of them as being important and you loose track of everything they're doing and you don't see their babies until they're older than one, and you can't manage to get ahold of them when you do have time, and the pressure of scheudling time with them is so difficult when you finally have one night free to schedule that night feels frightening but if you don't you spend it alone watching saturday night live and drinking by yourself.

My god.

And the thing is, I like people. I love my friends. More than they'll ever know. Just knowing that they exist somewhere in the world when I'm so busy I can't keep my head straight, that's the most meaningful thing to me, just knowing that they are alive. But how do I really know when I never talk to them?

Facebook. I guess.

Facebook is both a blessing and a plague. I feel like I'm "more connected" with my friends who I've made so distant, and yet I feel like I know how they are by checking their page, which doesn't really say anything except the most superficial status reports. And then I don't actually call or write. I just think about them, which isn't really getting in touch, it's more like being a virtual voyer into someone else's world.

Ugh. I just need more time. Or energy.

But for those of you out there reading this, being a virtual voyer into my life, that's what I'm thinking right now. Miss you all.

things and stuff...

2008-11-06T21:59:00.001-08:00

i think i finally did it this time.

i bit off more than i should chew.

now don't get me wrong. i chewed. i swallowed. hmmm, this isn't sounding right.

sometimes i have an ego that takes shape in the form of "yes, i can do all that" and guess what, no i can't. or more correctly, i can, but i shouldn't.

if each project wasn't such a labor of love...

but i think i finally learned that i should only direct one play at a time. the fact is, i like it better. i enjoy it, i love what i do, but when i'm really really busy i get frustrated because i want to give more time and energy to each thing but cannot.

so there you go.

so now i'm doing one play at a time.

for real real.

and oh yeah: we won the election! yay president obama!

(to state the obvious)

on sarah palin

2008-09-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

Being a woman doesn't make her feminist.
Being a woman doesn't make her smart.
Being a woman doesn't make her liberal.
Being a woman doesn't make her a change.
Being a woman doesn't make her untouchable.
Being a woman doesn't make her melodic.
Being a woman doesn't make her maternal.

Being a woman doesn't trick me.
Being a woman doesn't fool me into thinking that she's not wrong.
Being a woman doesn't make it okay to not take interviews, to hide, to be inexperienced and not answer questions.

Being a woman doesn't pull the wool over my eyes.
Being a woman doesn't interest me.

Being a woman, it makes me mad.

Seriously, if the country took gender out of the decision to make her VP candidate, would it be anything other than a bad bad mistake?

Is it really just about being a woman?

I think it is.
And I don't care.
Because Sarah Palin doesn't care about me.

Won't look out for my rights.
Won't protect the choices I have over my body.
Won't protect my country.
Won't protect my working class sisters struggling everywhere.
Won't make any pro-woman changes.

She's worse than Thatcher.
She's Bush in a dress.

And just because she's got glasses, doesn't mean she represents.

This blog is full of negative contractions. I can't even spare the breath.

It's not even political. It's dangerous.

And this is what keeps me up at night.

fear of sarah palin.

15 things that make me happy...

2008-08-07T08:09:00.001-07:00

Things that make me happy this second:

1. Carmen closes today here at the Bay View Music Festival. We've worked our tails off and I have ended up really happy with it. Yay for opera.

2. I'm glad that at my age I still have friends who drunk dial me lovely in the middle of the night.
3. I'm also glad that I have friends and a boyfriend who will drive 7 hours from home to see my little opera.

4. I got to spend 6 weeks in a really beautiful rural place by the lake making opera this summer. How cool.

5. I get to go home to Colorado for a few days very very soon!

6. Numbering things.

7. Relaxing. And Eddie Izzard.

8. Fall. Which is coming soon.

9. Meeting new cool people and continuing to learn through forging new friendships.

10. Youtube.

11. Going home to Chicago tomorrow!

12. Water. In all forms.

13. Getting good sleep.

14. Brunch.

15. This Video, directed by Michele Gondry for Daft Punk:

Music Video of the Week

2008-07-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

Radiohead just came out with a music video for "House of Cards" from their latest album, IN RAINBOWS, which they were doing a "pay what you want" on their website for...and which I never ended up getting because I couldn't decide what to pay for it. It was a big crisis for me. But this song is lovely and I'm thinking I might seek the album again (I'm guessing that now you just pay what they tell you).

This video is revolutionary because of the way that it was made. No cameras or lights, only through data...if you find it interesting and want to look it up, there's also a making of video, explaining the technology that went into creating it.

That Radiohead, always on the cutting edge of technology.

atoning for my sins...

2008-07-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

it was pointed out to me that madonna's album came out quite some time ago and i have yet to blog again.

i've been neglectful. of lots of things. it's true.

creating the kind of balance in my life that allows me to do every thing that i wish is almost impossible. i find that my eyes are bigger than my stomach only with things i want to do, and relationships i want to have, and i end up barely making it and failing at everything.

i am currently in bay view, michigan directing an opera.

enough said.

i've been away from home six months of the year, officially, and so every moment of my life since last august has felt temporary, and i keep the mentaility that "this is just for now, and then..." but it has been a long time now that i've been doing that.

so i'm coming to terms with the fact that this is my life. and whatever it is i'm doing and wherever i am, i need to stop pretending that "this is just for now, and then..."

so i'll be back on my blog to periotically check in again. as part of the renewed interest in aknowleding that this is actually my life.

and i leave you with a bjork music video to brighten your day. this is one of my favorite songs of hers "venus as a boy" off the first album, i believe. this video is beautiful, it's simple but you can tell that each thing in the kitchen is perfectly picked out and highly designed. the colors are fantastic. It's directed by Sophie Muller, a great video director, also known for things like another video I love, the Killer's Mr. Brightside...

Madonna's New Album

2008-05-05T05:45:00.000-07:00

There are few things in life that I care enough about to need them as soon as they are released. Madonna's albums are one of them. Just a few years ago I went with friends to purchase "American Life" at midnight and enjoyed a Madonna karaoke contest (these are the sort of events you miss with itunes). The last album, "Confessions on a Dance Floor" came out while I was in grad school and didn't have time to get it that day. I was sooo bummed, but my fantastic boyfriend went out and got it for me that day (which must be an embarrassing purchase for someone like him).

So on Tuesday when "Hard Candy" came out...I was on it.

Here's what I think: even as a die hard fan, I recognize that Madonna's music is incredibly flawed. And even though I like each album, not each one is something I love. This one is a like but not love. I don't feel like she's striving to say anything with "hard candy". It reckons back to "Music" which seemed to be an album for the love of Music, but wasn't trying to accomplish anything. With "Hard Candy", Madonna seems to have nothing to say, or an unwillingness to go there and show that she has something she wants to say.

Now don't get me wrong. It's a good dance album. I'll rotate many of the songs in for my workouts and "She's Not Me" is super catchy and fun to listen to. But the album doesn't have the cohesiveness and great Madonna energy of Confessions-which was an album with an incredible balance of her trying to say something and good dance tunes. To some people this album will be a relief. When Madonna's trying to say something, it's not usually pretty. She's a terrible lyricist, but in the long run, I usually understand what she's trying to say. So incredibly flawed but heartfelt albums like "American Life" work for me. There is a child-like naivety to her simplified hypotheses that she bandies about in these albums. And that's something I can really get behind. Dance music that tries to say something.

"Hard Candy" will have some hits, don't get me wrong. I think it's a good album. I like it better than "Music", which was perhaps my least fave of hers for many years. But my tastes in Madonna are those of the die hard fans, the ones who tell you that "Bedtime Stories" was her best album. It's true, although it sold less than any other album of hers. Highly creative, lots to say, it felt underground. My second favorite would have to be "Ray of Light" which is just a stand-up album, followed in third by "Like a Prayer" which is super flawed but has some lovely songs on it that most folks will never hear.

The best part of being a Madonna fan all these years is that she's gone through so many phases. And not just in a "reinvent yourself" superficial hair dying sort of way, but in a way that on her albums you can hear that she's going through shit, and then on the next you'll hear how she figured some of that shit out. It's like you can chart her growth. And I think that's what makes her an artist. Maybe she's not a great musician. But she's an artist. And that's more than I can say for a handful of other pop divas (did you hear that Mariah Carey has had more #1 singles than any other artist or group? even the Beatles, wtf??) who may be able to sing but don't say anything with their music.

Perhaps there's more to this "Hard Candy" than beats the eye. Unfortunately, it mostly feels like she's just trying to get some hits and hang on to the Madonna empire. I think as she gets older she should just allow herself to say what she wants to and let the die-hards follow, instead of cultivating new young fans by collaborating with Kanye West, Justin Timberlake, Timbaland, and the Neptunes. I mean, listen to that line up. It's obvious what she's trying to do. It's always better results when she finds the next big producer and has them work on the album, because she's bringing them up to her fame, not trying to expand her audience with their help.

So it's not an innovative album. And why, oh why is she continuing the obsession with disco? One discoish album (confessions) I can take. But there are so many disco beats on this one too. And the last tour really went there, she can't take that on tour again.

This feels like a "I guess I should put out a record" record. Not a needed one. But I am still listening to it on my ipod over and over. Because like I said, I'm a die hard fan. I love Madonna.

Here's Madonna's Video for a song on the album "Give it 2 Me"

The Scheduler

2008-04-25T06:39:00.000-07:00

I sound like a superhero when I call myself that.

But it's really just my current job.

The job turned out to be far more stressful than I ever believed.

I schedule things. I schedule things for opera. I make the daily schedule. I write down where everyone goes, and publish it, and if it's not right, everything will fall apart.

Or at least that's how it feels.

However, I've learned a ton about how the administration and positions at an opera work. When I ADed last year I really didn't understand who did what for real, and being in the office and seeing what everyone does everyday has been a great learning experience for when I AD next year. Opera administration is way more different than theater than I ever expected.

The most surreal thing has been the misplacement of what day it is: I spend all day thinking about the next day. Sometimes I'm thinking about 2 days away, sometimes I'm doing the schedule for the next week, but mostly, all day I am living in the next day--concentrating heavily on what and who and when for every moment of that next day. This becomes rather confusing when I leave the office thinking about Friday and realizing it's Thursday. I'm loosing track of the days in my personal life the more I give over to the days of the schedule.

The personal toll this takes on me is strange. Days go by and I'm not accomplishing things on my to do list and I don't know the day, and I'm loosing time somewhere in this mix. I'm also currently dealing with my personal schedule quite a bit. Scheduling and re scheduling and trying to fit things in. Looking at what's planned and other possibilities that are semi presenting themselves and trying to make decisions.

I let the "thinking in the future" thing get the best of me. I had to reset last night. Get in the now. I've been working really late not being able to do things like go to the gym, which is how I get myself back in the present.

Trying to live in the future, to project yourself out into this thing that doesn't even exist yet...it's not very helpful. Making the best decisions we know to at the moment in which we exist, that's the way to go. And we all know that. We just forget everything all the time. At least that's how it feels.

All in all, the opera job is good. I really like the people I work with. I really like the pay. And the job stresses me out but I'm trying to find ways to deal with that in a healthy way and still get what I need to done. It's funny, on Monday's I'm all Polly Positive and ready to tackle the week and was doing really good there until about Wednesdayish and now it's Friday (right?) and I work through Saturday and I'm tired and need to catch up!

sometimes things just work out.

2008-04-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

i'd like to acknowledge the phenomenon of things just "working out" today, as i think it is an often overlooked occurrence in my life, possibly in all of our lives, that should be explored. we are all to easily sucked in to remembering those days that something takes us off track: technology breaks down, silly things side track us, a loved one need attention, etc. But sometimes, if we just keep truckin', keep fighting the good fight, we have moments wherein everything falls into place.

I'm having a time like that. A good (non-directing) job has fallen into my lap starting monday for the five weeks until I take off to spend a month in New York doing the Lincoln Center Director's Lab, which, while a good experience, will not pay me while I'm there. (LCDL is like summer camp for adult directors, we workshop, panel, discuss, learn, connect over directing for three weeks straight courtesy of the Lincoln Center--pretty badass.) But this new job will pay me what I need to do that without worry, and I'll also be able to make that dentist trip I'm desperately needing to make, and make a healthy payment on my credit card (which I need to pay off completely before I have to start playing student loans back).

Money issues are real, and this is a temporary solution for mine, which is all I can really hope for at this point. Possibilities hang in the air for next fall and I have a lot of faith that things will come through for me in some way or another. I refuse to prioritize money. I have always found that valuing happiness and art above all things has worked best--which sometimes means making a big chunk of money, and sometimes means taking that directing job for $100. Each challenge is assessed as we cross it, and I find that rigidity in thinking closes the door to possibility.

Staying open has been my goal of late. To not turn down the challenges that come across my path but to look at them closely, and decide what it is the universe is asking of me in this moment, and if I'm following the calling that has been asked I find I end up happier. When I find myself shutting down with fear, I look at that and make an adjustment, to "choose death", to walk into the fearful places of myself and see what I can conqueror.

And these things, keeping up with these ideas and pursuits, which is often terribly hard work in so many ways...that is what usually results in things falling into place.

I like it when things just work out.

I feel very lucky.

why don't i just start blogging more?

2008-04-07T09:54:00.001-07:00

i know you all love it when i actually blog, and anxiously await new blog entries, and yet i sometimes don't feel inspired to tell the world...well...anything. but that is no excuse. i vow (for at least the third time since beginning this blog) to write more, my dear readers. to stop leaving you in the lurch.

here's the thing i realized most of all...i avoid writing about my work...which is my life, and i think that i avoid it because some of it feels to personal to get into on the blogsite, and i'd hate to leave you all with vagueries (note andrew bird word usage here), instead of actual thoughtful entries.

but perhaps there are parts of my work that aren't too personal (and what i mean by personal is that i have a general motto of: what happens in the rehearsal room stays in the rehearsal room, i'm not going to blab on the internet when we're having difficulty with something that feels touchy etc.)

and i've been working a lot, and this is good. since january, i associate directed a play, directed a play, and have been directing readings and short plays since. (you are welcome to keep up with the banal details of what's upcoming on www.joanieschultz.com). i feel like i'm headed in a good direction (ha) with my directorial work. i have a few projects upcoming that i'm thrilled about, and some prospects of fellowship-type work that excites me (all details pending...)

i've also had some successful temping projects, am actually earning money for a short time, and that feels like a big relief. i'm going to participate in the lincoln center director's lab in may-june, so i'm going to new york again for a month (yay!), and am going to be at director camp, not earning money necessarily.

FASTER, the most recent show i directed, closed last night. my lovely cast gave me a shark in a jar. it's super creepy. i'll take a photo and post it here asap.

on another note: my guilty pleasure as of late are street fashion blogs. they are fantastic. people take photos of random people in major cities who are just dressed well. it's really fun to see what people are actually putting together and wearing around the world. awesomeness. totally fun.

madonna and guy are splitting up...

2008-03-17T14:39:00.001-07:00

...and i find this to be a huge relief.

(for those of you who don't know madonna news is big in the robot pony world, and if you haven't heard, her new album is coming out april 29th)

ever since i saw the documentary that followed her on tour (i think it was the reinvention tour) and saw what a semi-alcoholic ass he is, i've been concerned. she was doing so much in that interview to "make it okay" and pretend that his crap is just something she needed to learn from. but he was being unsupportive and getting drunk constantly during the documentary.

the sad thing to me, and why i felt the need to post this small blog entry, is that the media seems to be demonizing her (not totally surprising, i guess) and making him out to be awesome. their statement has been that it's amicable and that they've fallen out of love. you mean guy richie is a talentless, drunk, ass? yeah, i'd fall out of love with him too. madonna is probably difficult to live with, i'm sure. i'm not saying that she's not. but i just felt she needed a little internet love since everything i've seen about it has ragged on her. she's my homegirl (she just doesn't know it).

rock on sistah. i look forward to the upcoming album.

rock on.

perfect moments exist

2008-03-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

there are moments and people and places that make me feel complete or alligned or purposeful in the right way. it is amazing to me how certain people, just talking to them about whatever makes me feel like i'm having a cosmic reminder of what i should think about and strive for in life. and i don't even know if i could tell you why these moments happen, i just want to acknowledge that i have had moments of perfection lately, because they happen so seldom and i want more of them. i thurst for them.

i took a really hard yoga class last week wherein i had this really perfect time where i lost all self consiousness and anxiety and i just did the work and when we laid down at the end of class my mind was not, for once, troubled and busy, i was just living in the moment. listening to my breath. okay with myself. i want to achieve that all the time. i have so many moments of crulty towards myself that must outnumber the kind ones by the hundreds. it makes me hard to be around. for myself included.

today i reconnected with a friend. it was a fantastic moment, and made me feel so much better in my soul, that i felt compelled to blog about feeling good. we've both been very busy. she reads this blog sometimes. i love her very much.

why can't we all feel great all of the time? i guess then there wouldn't be any work to do. and if there is divine purpose, i think it must be to evolve. and i'm trying. i want to be better and work harder and have more perfect moments. i'll start with taking more yoga classes and trying to find more kindness towards myself.

i promise all of my blogs won't be so naval gazing and suedo-philosophical now that i've come through my busy patch. we'll get through this, dear readers. eventually i'll be funny and ironic again. until then, go see my play.

about me. at least today.

2008-03-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

My dear blog readers, whom I’ve been neglecting so much. I thought I’d write an entry about myself to tell the random internet viewers more about me than the ironic hipster title of my blog.

But I feel at a loss to do so.

Are our perceptions of ourselves accurate? Or are the perceptions of people outside of ourselves more accurate? Maybe the people who know us best? Or how much can those people really know us?

I am a 30-year-old woman who admits the fact that she’ll never end going through phases. I am phaselicious. I made up a word. So there. I still do things like take up the guitar or occasionally decide that I’m a writer or change my hair completely (again). I think of these things, in general, as things teenagers do. They’re trying to figure out “who they are”.

But there seems to be some perception that at some point one actually figures that out and then spends the rest of their life fulfilling that life. This seems to me to be completely untrue. Not just for me and my teenage phases, but for many others I see.

But there remains this false notion. Like when you turn 20 you know who you are and what you like and you no longer have acne and everything is somehow less awkward and okay. My twenties were just as awkward, if not more so, because I thought that I should know more. When I was a teenager I just thought I did know more. That certainty disappears more and more with every passing day/week/year. But it’s being replaced with something else, and I can’t quite put my finger on what that is.

I watched this show on tv the other night that explained that when you’re going through a frightening experience your brain actually speeds up it’s ability to take in information, which is why it feels like everything happens in slow motion. This gives you a better chance of making a decision about what to do. I remember this clearly from a time when I was with my friend Karin and her car went spinning on the ice and off the road and almost flipped over. So slowly. The car tipped onto two of the wheels and calmly she asked, “Do you think the car is going to flip?” and I said “I don’t know but hold on tight to something.” Like we were in a movie…we were just so calm and everything felt like it happened so slowly.

Sometimes I have a feeling of awareness equal to that about my life. Something is changing, and I know it’s happening, and I don’t know what it is but I just hold on tight. This one I think might be a good one. Whatever internal shift is settling in, it feels possibly confident (oh my!) and a little more understanding of who I am now. This referring to the fact that I often still interact with the world as though I’m fifteen and I don’t know why, because that was fifteen years ago.

I think the important thing is to try to really know yourself. I used to think that was self indulgent, but after spending lots of time on it and then stopping that process because I was so sick of myself I now realize that when I was actively pursuing that course I was happier and healthier and treated everyone better. And treating people well is the most important thing we can do in life. Treating everyone well.

So I guess that’s about me.

too much of a good thing

2008-03-06T08:45:00.000-08:00

i can't believe it's been a month since i've blogged. that's how much the time has passed over me and left me in the dust of my own trails without realizing i went anywhere. le sigh. le catch breath. le blog again.

the thing is, i'm opening a show this weekend that i've directed, and i opened a show three weeks ago that i associate directed, and in between i've just been so busy there hasn't been a moment of mental space.

and i really like mental space.
oh yes i do.

there's something about the amount of output that some artists are ready with that put me in awe. i was speaking with someone i know from another theater company, and he was talking about several projects he is working on right now in various stages of development and all i can think is how much i admire his prolificness (is that a word?) absolute awe. and a little envious. i need space and time. if i'm working on too many plays i start to feel like a machine. it starts to feel like Work (with a capital W), and by that i mean in the bad way.

perhaps i ask too much but this is what i want: i want to direct plays. i want to do be paid a living wage to do so. i want to go home from rehearsal at night and watch tv and see my friends and movies and other plays and give myself some mental space. that's all. my wish for my career to further itself is not ladder-climbing ambition. i just want to create good art, and i think to do so i have to be a person. a real person. not just a theatrical machine. because in order to comment on the world, you must somewhat live in it. at least enough to see what is going on. and sometimes, i get so busy that i realize i can't hold a conversation with anyone that's not about theater. and that makes me sad. i want to talk about art and politics and american idol and music and trees and cooking and all of those other things that people discuss in real conversations.

i want to be real.
and sometimes i don't feel like i am.

so: i put this out here in the blogosphere, on the internet, into the collective consciousness of the digital world...
give me theater and a life. both. please.
i love both theater and life. i want to enjoy them together. not as an or, but as an and.

having said all that, i also admit that i am quite proud of the work i've been doing, and you should go to my official website to see what it is i've been up to. so there.

and i'll be back soon, not like this month away stuff.

on social akwardness...

2008-02-06T11:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I end up in situation where I just don't know what to say.

Sometimes I just have nothing to say.

Sometimes I listen to myself talk to people and I know I sound like an idiot. Or like I'm talking about somethign I just shouldn't be talking about. Or something like that.

It is revealed to me in those moments, that I remain an incredibly socially awkward person.

Now, sometimes I'm on and I'm good, and I don't know how that happens. Sometimes, when I'm out a lot it's like I get in good practice of socializing and it starts to flow easily.

But there are other times. Times when I go through these funks I go through where I'm slightly depressed anyway, and my mind is full of things that nobody else should be subject to that sometimes, just sometimes, the verbal diarrhea is just unbearable.

And lo, how embarrassing it is for me. Because here's the problem. I'm socially aware enough to know that I'm being socially akward. I see myself, from this outside viewpoint and I watch every terribly nerdy move that I make and I wonder how I could be so stupid.

I really hate those times. I guess I always thought that I got older they would go away. But I think that they may be getting worse with age. Because my hipness is fading. And I used to be able to depend on my hip-dork thing. But now I'm just an aging nerd girl with seasonal depression.

God I hate winter. Maybe I should start hibernating during it. Or have a vow of silence or something.

Just sometimes.

Puppy Bowl IV

2008-02-04T05:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've been too busy to blog lately. And I have very little time right now so I'll get to the point:

WHY THE PUPPY BOWL IS SUPERIOR TO THE SUPER BOWL:

for those of you who don't know, Animal Planet airs the puppy bowl during the super bowl every year now. Many cute puppies play on a field. Sometimes they drink water and the shot goes to "bowl cam" so we can see their faces while they drink. It's damn cute.

So, my reasons:

1. puppies are cute.
2. everyone wins.
3. less commercials
4. violence is always out of play, not anger
5. kitty half time!!!
6. musical accompaniment
7. sometimes they roll around and you can't tell where one puppy starts and another begins
8. the referee chew toy
9. kitty half time!!!
10. absolutely the cutest thing on tv.

This year's puppy bowl featured some really adorable players. One of the puppies was giant compared to the others and so much slower. Floppy ears. Big paws. Some of the little fluffy ones were just so amazingly hugably cute.

Cute.
Cute.
Cute.

Misc.

2008-01-24T13:56:00.000-08:00

These are the things I have to say today as I temp the day away:

It is hella cold out. I find this unpleasant and hope this cold snap chills out soon. So to speak. Last week, it was so cold, I cried. Twice. Not outside, so that my tears would freeze to my face, but later, when I got in somewhere warm. It is always this time of year that I wonder why the hell I live here. Sadness.
This picture makes it totally look like there's a Martian on Mars. Freaky.
If you think you have game you should challenge me at scrabble on facebook. It's passing temp time well.
The headline of The Red Eye today informs us that we all lie. A lot. The Red Eye continues to win awards for being obvious.
I can text message my friend Stephanie in New Zeland for the same rate of any text messages. That's technology. Cool.
I'm directing Carmen this summer. An incredible opera. I am very very fortunate.

30.

2008-01-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

"If at age 20 you are not a Communist then you have no heart. If at age 30 you are not a Capitalist then you have no brains." (George Bernard Shaw)

Goodbye dreams. Hello practicality.

It's my birthday.
I'm 30.

Today's "I'm 30" lesson starts with practiality.
I am broke, therefore I temp.
Even on my birthday.

Yep. On my birthday I am sitting in an office of strangers on someone else's computer and thinking about the fact that today, yes today, is this milestone birthday.

How incredibly depressing is that?

Le sigh.

But, this was the deal. I was in Argentina just over a week ago. That was my true birthday. So when I'm freezing my ass off while I book it to rehearsal tonight from this temp job I will just keep in my mind the hot days of Buenos Aires. The drinks, the tango, the cats.

The upside of temping today (other than actually having an income) is free strudel. I always like free strudel.

But, if indeed Mr. Shaw is right, and our twenties are a time of idealism, and the 30s are a time of realism, that makes me very sad. Despite the free strudel.

Isn't there a way to merge the two? To dream and be practical? To go to Buenos Aires and then return to Chicago and eat Strudel? Maybe the 30s will just be a time of more balance.

My dreams in my 20s were definately tamer than those in my 10s.

Five years ago, I found a tape of myself at 12 or 13 made with my PXL 2000 (very cool pixelvision camera that i someday hope makes beautiful art, but my spare time is limited). I have a ponytail coming out of the side of my head and I seem to be both some type of Barbara Walters character and myself, at 30. And I'm incredibly famous. That year, that banner year that I turned thirty I had won a Tony and an Oscar (for acting), had a best selling novel, and won the ididerod sled dog race.

I have not done one of these things. Let alone the four. And I'm not really one of those people who holds themselves up to the incrediby high standard that my pre-teen self aspired to, but it does give me this twang. This twang of "why am I temping?"

Ah, yes...practicality.
To support the dream.

Yay dream.

Yay 30.

Yay.

Kidnapping the Nerd Girl

2008-01-18T07:54:00.000-08:00

The day before I left for Buenos Aires I called my parents. Like a good kid, I'm leaving the country and I call my parents the day before and the day I get back, to let them know I'm ok. I am a good kid, for the most part, other than the fact that I have moved across the country and am a useless artist. Although they've always been very supportive and I don't think they'd call me a useless artist. They're not that kind of parents.

Anyway, I called my mother, we chatted a bit, and were talking about my upcoming journey.

"You're small and someone might run off with you, so be careful," she says.

"Ok mom"

"Hang on to things,"

"Ok"

"Stay with Blake"

"Ok, I'll tether myself to him"

"No, really, someone might just pick you up and run off with you," she asserts.

I picture this happening. Like a cartoon, or a soap opera (the differences being slim), I'm walking down a street in a foreign country and a large man comes up from behind and with one arm just swoops me up and walks away briskly. With the ease of stealing a purse.

But why would anyone pick me up and carry me away?
Am I some sort of commodity in a Latin American country?
Is there a rush on nerd girls in Argentina?
Maybe I'm like a rare bird there.
The exotic Nerd-Girl with her fine brown plumage.
Look, a nerd-girl, let's get her!
Quick, before she trips and falls again!
I know that there's a nerd-hip thing going on here in the US, and perhaps it's spanned the globe? Perhaps the Argentinians are so cool they have to learn how to be nerdy. Perhaps they will take me to a room and interrogate me on where I got my cool vintage glasses and what blogs I read? Maybe they'll go through my stuff and find my composition book where I write everything from my random "deep" thoughts to to do lists and books I want to read and scan the pages to discover my secrets. How does she stay so pale? Why does everything she owns look used? Perhaps they'll steal my ipod and listen to my podcasts of "This American Life", or worse yet, "Wait Wait don't Tell Me", and try to decipher the lyrics to a Regina Spektor song.

But then what? Would they use me up and then throw me back into the mean streets of Buenos Aires? They learned my nerdy ways and will report back to their friends the rules of being so uncool? Will they lock me up in the library to watch me in my own habitat, like a zoo? If they did that, would they at least give me internet? Maybe they'd keep me as a consultant. Perhaps I could work for some Latin American television show.

Maybe I'd become famous.
Maybe they'd think I was Tina Fey.
That would rock.

Don't Cry for me Argentina

2008-01-16T07:52:00.000-08:00

We got back from Argentina yesterday morning. It was a fantastic trip. The city is beautiful, very European in feel (not that I really know what that means but Blake has lived in Paris and he says so), and the exchange rate is great for us poor people. There is so much gorgeous history there. The architecture is beautiful. The people are really nice. There's a ton of culture and stuff to see, I highly recommend it. In fact, I don't think this will be my last trip there. Many who go to Buenos Aires develop a love affair with it. Perhaps that's why it's also a city of numerous expats, many artists--it's like Paris in the 20s. It's affordable and inspirational. The plane ticket ain't the cheapest, and the flight is eleven hours but once you're there, things are less expensive and more amazing than I'd ever imagined that they could be.

There are also lots of cats. In the parks, lounging around, wandering the streets. Dogs too, but the cats were amazing. I started doing my own photojournalism project "Cats of Buenos Aires". Perhaps it's a good location for a production of CATS...(but I don't think it could be better than the recentish version in new york that took place in the areas of Brooklyn that are being regentrified and featured signs for "american aprrrrl" on their streets).

Cats aside, there was a lot else that we saw, and lots that we didn't see. being there in the height of summer meant lots of things were closed. It was only outrageously hot the first and last day that we were there, the days in between were in the 80s which ain't bad.

So, I'd like to give a few highlights and thoughts that are strongest about the trip itself:

-we rented an apartment. this only cost us $250 for the week and it had air conditioning, a lofted bedroom, internet, a small kitchen, and it was cute and in a safe building. we went through http://www.bytargentina.com/, the people were nice, we had to put down a weeks deposit which we got back the final day when they picked up keys. Any decent hotel would have been more than that. And, we got the added bonus of having local neighbors, the adventure of having our fuses tripped and talking to neighbors to figure out where they were to get the power back on, and since we had a kitchen we got the full experience of shopping at the supermarket for some simple things (and discovering the weirdness of milk in bags).

-we ate very well. the exchange rate does us good and we could eat at some of the more pricey restaurants in town without crying about it. the argentinian parilla "grill" is their traditional food, which is mostly big yummy steaks and sausages (and entrails that I didn't eat). That was fantastic.

-we went to the cemetery. Now I'm not a "cemetery person", not that there's anything wrong with it, but I feel weird going to visit dead people. Especially ones I don't know. But everything we read said we had to go. It was friggin' AMAZING. It's not gravestones, it's a small city of mausoleums, with amazing statues and ornately built architecture. We thought we'd stop by but we stayed for hours, entranced with it. I took tons of pictures and we bought a book from a wonderful Argentinian woman who seemed to have spent time in England because her English was this odd British with an Argentine accent. Oh, and there were cats there too.

-We did two tango related things. Our last night for my and my best friend's birthday celebration we went to a cheezy tango show. Very expensive, dinner included in the ticket, but really fun. We had a hoot of a time, but it's not high art or anything, and while some of the dancing was fun to watch (especially if you're like me and watch ballroom dancing on tv), I don't know if I'd actually recommend it. The cooler thing we did was go to this really old school tango club where regular people were dancing and we watched them for hours over drinks. They were fun to watch and after a while you felt like you knew them by watching them dance. It was beautiful.

-I bought an amazing pair of shoes. I know I know this sounds way too girly for most of you, but just hear me out. I bought an amazing pair of shoes, that I'm so enamored with that I stare at them. They are hand made from really nice leather. They only cost me 100 dollars US. I will have them and love them forever. They are amazing shoes.

So, don't cry for me, Argentina. The truth is, I've left but I'll come back. I'm going to take some tango classes, and work on my Spanish (although having Blake translate everything and talk to everyone was really nice), and I will go back and see you again-despite your eleven hour plane ride for which I must take many pills-I will be back during a less hot season when more things are open. Oh yes, I will be back.

another thing about temping...

2008-01-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

i made $20 this morning to call in 3 times and catch up on email.

not as good as getting real work, but not bad for doing something i'd do anyway.

i should be the "go temp" spokesgirl.

the tempest.

i could be a comic book character. with my cat-eye glasses and my short dark hair--a cute officey outfit. refusing permanent positions everywhere i go with the fury of a storm.

i have superpowers. that's hot.

because for some reason i'm having trouble staying in one place...

2008-01-06T18:37:00.000-08:00

...here i am the night before i leave the country.

i've been out of the country once before. but it was to quebec. which is in canada. they don't even stamp your passport. given that, it was incredibly surprising how foregin the place seemed. they really speak french in french canada. it wasn't part of some fantasy where everyone speaks english in french accents. it was actual french. and the city was incredibly european feeling. the only city in north america that still has it's walls...

anyway, tomorrow i'm going to buenos aires. the most european city in south america. maybe someday i'll really go to europe.

the flight to buenos aires is eleven hours long. but, we only change two timezones, so there shouldn't be jet lag issues. but man, that's a long-ass flight. it's overnight, and so were supposively going to sleep. and then we'll get there in the morning and then we'll go to the apartment we're renting and then we'll take a nap. because the thing about buenos aires is that they stay up late. they eat dinner at 9 or 10 and then party into the night.

it's going to be summer there. thank god.

i look forward to posting again about my trip!!

The ups and downs of impermanence...

2008-01-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

...or that is, being a temp.

I've been a temp for years. Ten, actually. I convinced a temp firm in Chicago to hire me at nineteen for my typing skills, quick thinking, and the fact that I had this really weird assistant job when I was in high school helping this guy build computers and set up networks (mostly I think he tried to look up my skirt, but I was good at the computer stuff anyway).

I was incredibly nervous for my first temp job. I'd never worked in an office, I had no clue what I was doing. I went out and bought a cheap skirt/jacket combo, and was promised by the agency that the people they were sending me to were nice. I felt like some sort of Victorian governess being sent away to a "really nice family", who turned out to be the rudest, scariest people I ever worked for. It was a French bank. I am not trying to perpetuate stereotypes or anything but for two weeks I answered the phone in this fancy office where I was yelled at in English and French. It was the middle of summer and I took off my jacket when I was hot one day in the office and my agency called me to tell me to put it back on. Why did my employer not tell me? Je ne sais pas. Or something. I also managed to print all of this postage on the wrong side of a bunch of stickers, and then had to figure out how to glue them onto the packages because it was a hundred dollars worth of postage. Oops. I remember this all very well. I wore pantyhose in the middle of summer only to be abused by this smelly French lady for $9 an hour. Who knew I'd still be doing it ten years later?

In all fairness, I've taken years off at a time. I've switched companies somewhere in the mix. I've had longer term assignments (I've never taken anything over 3 months, I really hate it when people start to "depend" on me), and I've worked in almost every building in the loop. I've worked briefly for the Chicago Fire, Playboy, and lots of offices that are fancier but you've never heard of them. I remember very little of most of them. I'm a one-day stand type of temp. The slut of the office world. I want to come in and out of their lives for a fleeting moment. Take the money and run, with no strings attached.

The best thing about temping is that the first Monday I came back to town from being gone for four months I was working already. Money in the pocket, I worked all week. This week has been slightly less so, but I am working today and Friday. With flexibility also comes enforced days off. This summer, for instance, I had a part time teaching job, and getting work on the days in between wasn't so much happening.

Some of the jobs are great. Answer some phones, eat some food, surf the net. The ones that are project oriented are not nearly as fun (i.e. company hasn't done payroll filing all year so they bring in a temp...ugh.)

Today I'm on one of those "surf the net" type jobs. And I'm running out of things to do. I've read my favorite blogs that I know, I've read the news, I've looked for jobs, I've created the evite for my birthday, I've looked up stuff for my upcoming trip, I've done some research for the play I'm directing next, I've spaced out, and now I'm blogging. What else is a girl to do on
a day like this? Especially when she's avoiding spending money? (no ebay fun...)

I will take any and all suggestions.

missed connections...

2007-12-31T06:28:00.001-08:00

my friend got me into reading the "missed connections" section of craigslist. she loves it, and it is her internet of choice during those early morning/late night, bouncing around on the internet, don't really want to engage much with anything just want to be amused moments. those moments that used to be saved for watching reruns of whatever crappy show on whatever crappy channel. i don't miss watching those reruns now that i have internet to occupy my time.

anyway, she's been doing this for a while, and i've checked it a few times, seeking entertainment for myself. never did much for me. but she continues to read the new york version, (where she lives), and even found herself on it once. (she's in a relationship and not "seeking" so this was surprising...)

she sent me an ad recently that she thought i'd like..."you think i'm a lawyer but i'm really a robot. thought i should let you know before this goes any further. click click."

the email brightened my day. i went to work. i couldn't stop thinking about the robot-lawyer. i became a bit obsessed. i thought about what sort of funny and smart guy would do that. and thoughtful. what a fantastic find he was. i thought about him more and more. he was so great. so perfect for me. i was in love with thim. and the next day, after re-reading the ad several times, i decided to email him.

"you didn't write to me, but i think i love you just the same, robot-lawyer. click click."

it was impulsive. it was exciting.

but-robot lawyer probably intended the email for some woman he's smitten with. someone he is in that early stage of relationship with and thinks is the most amazing, sexy thing on the planet. robot-lawyer. i wonder what kind of woman robot-lawyer falls for and i'm already comparing myself to her. she's probably taller than me. thinner. with big, sexy hair like the woman from weird science. she probably has a job that she goes to regularly, and cooks food, and knits sweaters, and goes to dinner parties with her cool friends, and is really self assured in her one bedroom condo she owns in Brooklyn and she volunteers for poor children in the city. She has a respectable job which is also creative and she's a leader in her field and a really nice boss. She looks good in pants. She travelled through Europe after graduating from some really cool smarty pants college in a city, like Emerson or Columbia University. She's close with her family, who are all as smart and well put together as her. She owns a cat, but not because she's lonely, because she saved it from the streets and nursed it back to health. She works out regularly, and keeps good tabs on her friends, and she's one of those people who always buys the perfect gift for everyone on her list. She is amazing. And she's only 32, only 2.5 years older than me, and she's got it so together and I'm never going to be her. I'm never going to be all of these things that she is.

Robot-Lawyer is right to be smitten with her. How could I ever think I could steal his love away from this woman who lives the life ficitonally promised in a J Crew catalog? She is everything I wish I could be. I think I'm in love with her too, robot-lawyer! I want her to myself! I want to lock her in a room and find out her secrets. How does she pick out the perfect gift? How did she get such an amazing creative and lucritive job? What workout does she do that she looks so good in those pants?

Robot-Lawyer never writes me back. It's better that way. Plus, he's in New York and I'm in Chicago and it wouldn't work.

Oh, and I have a boyfriend.

the "robot ponies" song

2007-12-22T08:33:00.000-08:00

There's also a song. oh yes, a song. written and performed by Laura Barrett, a Canadian musician. She's awesome. I love this song.

It takes place on Christmas Eve 2053, when every little girl longs for a Robot Pony...

The video is super cool, I had it and lost it, and then the creator, Jared Sales wrote me with the new link. Robot Ponies unite us.

Enjoy!

ok so there really ARE robot ponies...

2007-12-21T13:04:00.000-08:00

just at the moment i think i had an original thought...i am once again reminded that i am steps behind the world.

when i googled "robot ponies" about 263,000 entries were found.

In 2006 the big news was that a couple of companies were actually making life size robot ponies. photographs of happy little girls on the backs of the furry pony-droids were plastered all over blogs far more sophisticated than mine.

"So you might not be able to afford a real pony for your little princess this year, but you can get her the next best thing in Hasbro's $300 Butterscotch My Furreal Friends Pony, a robotic pal due this fall that likes slumber parties and having its hair brushed. The pony can whinny and snort in appreciation, move its eyes, ears and head, and swish its tail, and even goes for a bit of carrot munching. She's even semi-ridable, by bouncing up and down when sat on. Unfortunately Butterscotch doesn't go for the whole Mr. Ed talking shtick, but we're sure your 5 year old will find plenty to love, and you'll find plenty to be creeped out by."

Where did the robot ponies go and why did I not know about them?

This should be me, feeding a cloth carrot to an unreal, pony like friend.

oh robot pony. you would be at the top of my christmas list if i could still get away with a christmas list.

oh robot pony...i will pray for you every night, to come into my life and make virtual pony sounds and motion.

robot pony...are you on ebay now?

i'm off to find out. more on robot ponies later...

A beginning...

2007-12-21T12:47:00.000-08:00

To begin my Blogsite: An old post from my myspace blog, in honor of it's exsistance, and the friendster blog that came before it. may you rest in peace and float off into cyberspace dear friends.

May 9, 2007
A Lunchbox of Cassette Tapes...

2 things that are useless in my everyday life:
a lunchboxand cassette tapeslive togetherin my room
i haven't listened to a casette tape in years.

the contents are:
a radio show my mother had me on in 1990
halloween spook sounds (haunted el stuff)
Salt-N-Pepa hits
mr. holland's opus soundtrack
discomania
leader of the pack broadway cast
joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat london cast
madonna--who's that girl
c&c music factory
sir mix-a-lot baby got back casette single
jill souble i kissed a girl casette single
mix tape from becky dillion on one side, fantasticks on the other
mystery tape
another mystery tape
guys and dolls broadway cast
boys II men, II
side by side by sonheim
salt-n-pepa, a salt with a deadly pepa
phantom of the opera highlights
a postshow tape from the first flush puppy show
mystery tape III
"womyn rocking" mix tape
madonna--you can dance
2 more mystery tapes
preshow from phedre, the first full length play i directed
mystery tape VI
cats
"crazy unfinished mix"
and one last mystery tape

does anyone else keep shit like this?i feel like i need to get rid of it! but yet i keep stopping myself! I won't ever need these will I??